I have experienced two very early miscarriages in the past five years, both while actively trying to conceive. How do I know they were very early miscarriages and not just late periods, you might ask? The truth is, I have no concrete scientific evidence. The only evidence I have is my own intuition that I was pregnant and beginning to experience my body's pregnancy cues. I did not have positive home pregnancy tests to back-up my hunches. There are some who want to exclude me (and others who lack concrete proof of pregnancy) from the club of "true miscarriages." They would dismiss our experiences as insignificant, make light of our anecdotal "proof" of pregnancy, or chuckle to themselves at our apparent "wishful thinking." Unfortunately, for those experiencing very early miscarriages, finding understanding and comfort is no easy task.....Read the rest of this post over at my new website!
16 comments:
Beautiful. I wish I could express myself the way you do.
I'm sorry for the pain you've had to feel - but I believe the Hourglass Theory. Your baby will be back.
Lovies
I completely agree - a loss is a loss, whether it occurs very early or very late. The experience is different, but the timeframe in no way diminishes the pain and sadness felt! That's like saying to somebody who miscarries that it isn't real because they didn't lose a live baby or something ridiculous like that. It is so enfuriating. I'm sorry. :(
I'm a bit late for leaving comment but, thanks for writing this. Miscarriage is devastating...early miscarriage can be so confusing. I heard comments like, "well it was SOO early on, I'm sure it was for the best..." I think partly it's a problem of people not knowing what to say and partly that there is this mentality in this country that a baby isn't a baby until it's out of the womb...or you can feel it's kicks. As mothers we mourn the loss of our babies no matter how far along we are. I'm sorry that any women has to feel the insult of ignorance on top of the pain of loss after a miscarriage.
I just found this post (love your blog btw). I have experienced 2 early miscarriages as well. I got the same answer from my midwife. I didn't get positive pregnancy tests, so I was just 'late'. 2 weeks late?? When I am always regular? I had one of them at work, and I was so broken up, I talked to my manager and asked if I could leave. About a month later, she pulled me aside and asked if I had lost my baby. I said yes, and she was completely there for me. I told her everything and that it wasn't confirmed, but I just KNEW. She didn't judge me and say that I was overthinking things. She just told me that she was there if I needed someone to talk to, and that I could take the time I needed to be okay.
I don't see why people don't think an early miscarriage is a real pregnancy. It's like it wasn't checked by a doctor, so it couldn't possibly have happened.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so glad to know that I am not alone in this.
Thanks for the comments, ladies. Thanks for sharing your experiences. It is always so comforting to know you're not alone. And it's wonderful to know my post has helped in some way. :-)
This same thing just happened to me yesterday and it is horrible. I still feel like I am pregnant. Thankfully my husband and friends have been understanding but it was not a great way to be pregnant for the first time. My husband and I had to work really hard to just get to this point because he needed varicocele surgery and hCG shots. I'm going to discuss this with my Ob next week and if I don't get a good response I will see a specialist. I know they say one is nothing to worry about but I don't want to go through this again. Thank you for your blog.
I just found your site. I suffered an early miscarriage two weeks ago as my first pregnancy. I am so glad to find others who know their bodies so well that it doesn't matter what the tests or the doctors say. Thank you for what you write.
What a wonderful thing to write about. I had a miscarriage really early too and I know I was pregnant because I was keeping track of my basal body temperature. More than anything I FELT like I was pregnant and when I miscarried I felt like I'd lost something. But sometimes I've doubted myself-- thanks for validating my experience!
And thanks for the miscarriage info I just had a doula client who miscarried at 22 weeks and I've been having a hard time knowing how to help her. Thanks.
Brought tears to my eyes. I appreciate your view of "a loss is a loss, no matter when." It has been only 31 days since my last period... but I thought I was pregnant (I have never been pregnant before and have never known this feeling). This morning at 4 a.m. I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. After 9 months of trying, my husband and I could not go back to sleep, we were so excited. At 9 a.m. I bled like crazy. Again - thanks for putting this here.
oh thank you, thank you. I too was told that my early miscarriage didn't count because there was not "proof." After already having two children I knew I was pregnant. The very late absents of a period proved it even though there was no positive test. The "knowing" was proof and then 10 days later with heavy cramping followed by 10 days of heavy bleeding proved it. At least to me. I went to my doctor and was told that I it was just a late period. Luckily, my doctor did acknowledge that it could have been an early miscarriage. This was then followed by the crazy hormones as my body was trying to get back to normal -not something my body would of had to do if it were just a missed period. Then this last November I experienced a "real" miscarriage and when talking to the doctor my last one was brought up again and again it was said that it didn't count. So thank you for putting this all into words.
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Sadly, I think miscarriage is something few understand unless they have experienced it. I had my last baby at 18 weeks. While the rawness has healed, the ache is still there a year and a half later. Even thought I am pregnant again, it is different.
We need to be kinder to one another no matter the timing. It is still a loss and a life.
Lani - Your Mom is here at our house and left your blog up on my computer. I've enjoyed reading so many of your posts and decided to post a comment on this one. I've had 2 "proven" miscarriages and possibly a couple of "unproven" ones. The 1st miscarriage was also my 1st pregnancy - I was 12 weeks along and it was devastating. So many people said, "At least you know you can get pregnant", but this was not very comforting to me. Thankfully, I had told many people about my pregnancy, so when I lost the baby, I had a lot of support. My 2nd "proven" miscarriage was at 5 weeks along. I hadn't told anyone except for my immediate family. (Loren waits even longer to tell his side of the family. :) When I went to the emergency room, I ran into a friend from church who asked why I was there. When I explained, she of course commented that she had no idea that I was pregnant. Looking back, I really wished I had told my friends at church so I would have had more support and understanding. It was really awkward for me because I did grieve and I was more fatigued and I was counseled to wait a couple of cycles before trying to get pregnant again. It would have been much easier to have already told people about my pregnancy and then about the loss when it happened rather than to have to share both whenever people asked about my efforts to get pregnant or when I had to explain my lack of following through with the normal things of life because of grief or fatigue. Anyway, I like to believe that those 2 miscarriages were little girls and someday I'll get to meet them on the other side and I'll still be their mom someday :)
I'm 16 years old.
And I know how that feels.. This past week I believe I did have a miscarriage of my own.. It was so heart breaking for me.. I know only being 16 it could "ruin my life" and what not but s baby can ruin no ones life unless by choice.. In all honestly not only was I heart broken I was also diappointed not only that it happened but that I also had to tell my boyfriend that I have been with since my freshmen year and I am now a Junior that WE had a miscarriage.. I could see it broke his heart as well..
If you are looking for more information on when do most miscarriages occur, you might be interested in guide on a natural approach to pregnancy. The primary topic of the guide is miscarriage risks and infertility.
Just came across this although this is quite old. I experienced a early miscarriage almost two months ago. I never told anyone that I expected I was because I had reasons to believe I wasn't. So of course I never took any pregnancy tests, wish I did though. When I told my closests friends their reaction wasn't what I would've expected. They didn't console me, they didn't do anything. It's been the worst two months not having anyone I can confide in. It's so hard having to deal with my friend who was pregnant first tell me how tired she is of being sick and sending me belly pictures. It makes me so upset that she could talk to me about her pregnancy but I can't talk to her about my loss smh. It'll all get better with time.
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